day 1410: Of Course I snapped At You! What Were You Thinking ???

While on a pilgrimage walk on the Camino de Santiago (St. James Way) in Spain, I asked some of the most committed and courageous faith-driven business leaders I know to guest contribute to Purposed worKING.  Enjoy! - Rusty


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“We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you, and to show esteem them with special love on account of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.”  

“It is good sense to be slow to anger, and an honor to overlook an offense.”

Holy moley! How can the people we work with make so many mistakes?  I mean, don’t they think before they act?  Am I supposed to just smile and say, “It’s okay, no worries”?

The answer is kind of, “Yes”. Of course, at work (and in broader life) we are expected to provide criticism – constructive criticism. But occasionally I fail at this. I get frustrated and can “snap” at people on my team. Fortunately, sometimes they tell me that what I did didn’t feel good. Although it confronts me with a mistake that I have clearly made (and I don’t like making mistakes). It is a gift because it gives me the opportunity to “recover”. It gives me a chance to give them back respect, to make a sincere apology, and hopefully to increase my awareness of my weaknesses so that I can improve. There are so many lessons and opportunities in these type situations.

First and foremost is that God wants us to love each other. Sometimes it’s hard to love people (some harder than others!). These are great opportunities at work and home to live our love.

Second, it is so important for us to be examples of Jesus love, patience and goodness. Every test like this that God gives us is an opportunity to emulate Jesus. People notice and are influenced.  Finally people deserve the “best” from me. When I fail to be patient, kind or respectful, they are not getting the best of me that they deserve.

Reference: 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (New American Bible)  and Proverbs 19:11 (New American Bible)

Tom Koch

day 1352: Voice Recognition

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

If you have taken to using the voice options on your phone to dictate texts and emails, you know that the translation is not quite perfect, but so far better than it was just a year ago, that before long, with another generation of voice recognition advancements, and a little user interface improvement, that thumbing our way through typo galore filled  messages is about to become a thing of the past. What will this mean for all of us?  Good and bad likely.  Good in that I have noticed that when I speak a message that my thoughts are more fully formed and the messages tend to be longer.  A return to long form communication?  Maybe.  Bad in that it becomes even easier to blow off steam and say something that is now written that you wish you hadn't said. We are on record forever now with everything we write, record, photograph, or video.  That's not all bad, but it all has implications.  I grew up learning how to write sentences and then how to put those sentences into paragraphs and later, how to put them into full thoughts to achieve a purpose.  But, seldom were we taught on how to "communicate".  No one taught in school how to have a productive phone call, or how to discuss something that is difficult over dinner.  It may be time to begin thinking about teaching our employees how to communicate, especially as it relates to how to translate our thoughts into messages that are productive, effective and good.

God is so good.  The verse above came to me today, after yesterday being in a spat on email about something that was so unimportant, but I had made it more than it needed to be.  Consequently, I left a poor impression of myself to people who I don't really know, who now will carry with them a memory of me that I don't like.  It really isn't a big deal, but like so many things in life, a little thing can be just as, or more damaging when it comes to words and relationships. How we choose our words, how we deliver them, and the medium that we use, are all choices that we have today.  When James wrote the verse above, he never could have imagined that someone might also need to put down their phone and disconnect from the internet to be "slow".  We all need the reminder now and then that we are moving fast and with speed comes danger.  I got my reminder this week.  May my reminder be your reminder.

Reference: James 1:19 (New Living Translation)

day 747: Flying Off

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

Quick to do this and quick to do that. We must be quick in our businesses so that we don't dilly dally and let the competition pass us, or lose our momentum. It's almost an internal forcing function to be quick and go, go, go. Of course there are many hazards with being too quick and not thinking or planning. When we are quick, we can get too caught up in the moment that we miss important signs and signals that we would have been sensitive to had we been more methodical or deliberate. What we are really looking for is the ability to be fast, but at the same time run and finish well the marathon. It's a hard balance to find. When we are also overly preoccupied with speed we can find ourselves operating backwards and we end up slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to fly off the handle. Many a company or leader who is moving too fast wishes they could take back their first reactions to a problem. How they wish they would have slowed down and not allowed themselves to just fly off the handle. It's a hard discipline to have, but one that we can all apply to our business; listen, be quiet and be thoughtful before reacting.

James puts it right in in our faces on how we are to handle this in our own lives; "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." He is saying that if we do the opposite we are putting ourselves at major risk that we are going to mess something up at work, at home, or anywhere. It seems so simple, but again it is another life lesson that is so hard. Each of these areas that the Bible gives us to self-improve are pointing out that we, by human nature, are flawed. What we must also undestand and do so in accepting His gift, is that we cannot be perfect, but with His assistance, we can overcome and manage the basic flaws that are inside of us. But, we can't do it without Him. This is why we must come back daily to His Word and talk to God in prayer so that we can see our areas of weakness and then improve for His Glory and sake. This week, we will be given our own tests and we can practice being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. We won't be perfect, but we can be attentive and we can see if we can keep from flying off the handle. With His guidance and support, that is something we can certainly control.

Reference: James 1:19 (New Living Testament)

day 590: Displacement: Part 2, Rage And Anger

Yesterday we started a learning about displacement theory and how we must remove certain things or add others things to change the level of anything. Today, let's explore what it would be like to bring extreme happiness and extreme satisfaction to the workplace. How many people are truly, extremely happy and satisfied in their work and jobs? Not many that I know but the ones who are stand out and are admired by just about everyone. Those who don't admire them are usually the sourest of people and they just can't stand to be around happy people anyway. So, what do we need to get rid of in our attitudes to be extremely happy? The other end of that spectrum is beyond anger, it is a boiling point that is called rage. Rage is defined as violent anger or burst of extreme anger. Usually we don't see the external manifestations of rage in the workplace since we all know what happens when that does; people usually lose their jobs. But, that doesn't mean that we don't feel anger and rage inside of us. Who among us haven't clinched a fist and jaw and wanted to scream out? Or maybe even that pen has come flying out of the hand and found itself on the other side of the office? Or that email flame-o-gram was about to be sent and then we held it back? Yes, we all have anger and some rage inside of us that if we want to find a place of extreme happiness we are going to have to replace and displace. Let's search ourselves today and ask God to help us to recognize those trigger areas in our lives that surface our anger and rage and then remove them from us! Paul tells us this in Ephesians 4:31, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger.."

Reference: Ephesians 4:31 (New Living Testament)

day 165: Passion

One of the words we hear when we hire and evaluate people is the word “passion”. We want to work around and with people who have and show passion about their work, about their job and about their company. When someone is passionate about something it is contagious and we can see others beginning to rally and follow the person who shows the "fire in the belly". It is a great trait to have and we all could stand to take a look at ourselves and be sure that we are expressing (or have) passion for the work we do. If we don’t then we probably need to evaluate what it is that could create passion within us about our work. Even things we might not totally like to do, we can go after with passion and enthusiasm. There are certain tasks that none of us like to do but it is important that we perform them with passion that others can see. The other side of passion though can also create behaviors that are not so desirable. Many times people who are overly passionate about what they do are quick to anger and express emotions that are not becoming. With this I paint a delicate balance for anyone to achieve. We don’t want to be ones who are either too quick to speak, or lose our temper, or allow words and actions to come from us that show that we are not in control of who we are. So, how to find that balance between passion and the other side? James gives us straight forward direction in James 1:19 on how to ensure that our passion does not tip to the dark side: "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Passionate people are usually the first to speak and because they get so excited or invested in their point of view, they are not great listeners. Regardless if we have a problem with our tempers or not, we can still take in the great direction with James' principle of how to help us work successfully by taking in the words on how to first listen and then slow down and think before we speak. And if we are overly passionate, then the lesson is even that more important. Today, practice the skills that James provides. You may be amazed at what you learn about yourself and how others react and respond to you. Don’t lose your passion….just be sure that it is always in check.

Reference: James 1:19 (New Living Testament)

day 51: Don't Let it Linger

I woke up this morning and did a quick inventory of how I felt and what my emotions were going to be into this day. Fortunately, this was a day where my head and emotions were clear and I was optimistic about the day. Ah, wouldn't it be great if each and every day felt that way. Wishful thinking, yes. One of the best ways to control how you feel in the morning, and how you will feel on your way to work in the morning, is to be sure that all of the unfinished business that might drag you down has been taken care of the night before. What really makes the day the worst is when you go into the office knowing that you are harboring feelings of anger about something that happened prior and you just aren't over it yet. You might even be talking to yourself on your way to work, preparing for the fight that is going to occur. The Bible tells us to not start our day that way and to ensure you don't by taking care of things the day before. Ephesians 4:26 says, " And don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry...". I always heard this verse in the context of marriage and it certainly is true there, but it holds true for work as well. If you allow yourself to carry anger home and into the night, not only will you have subjected your family to something that they never asked for or deserved, but you will have that same anger sitting with you in the morning and it will shape the rest of your day. We all know people who come to work who are ready to battle. We don't want to be or live that example. So, today, see if you can clean out that anger locker before you go home and leave it all at the office, even if that means getting around to those today who you feel have wronged you and cleaning up the situation. It will be worthwhile and tonight and tomorrow will be better for it.

Reference: Ephesians 4:26 (New Living Testament)

day 18: Quick and Slow

I once worked with a person who never listened and only talked and usually was the first and last person to talk in a conversation andhe would fill in the middle too. Fact is he was slow to listen and quick to talk. And, we all knew it, adjusted to it, and at the end of the day, didn't like it. He missed out a lot on what others had to say along with their thoughts and ideas. Over time others became so conditioned to never getting a word in otherwise that they stopped bringing up ideas or original thoughts. Meetings became nodding up and down sessions and before long it just wasn't worth it to even try harder with this person. Add on top of it that it didn't take much to light his fuse and have him go off on a tirade. As you can imagine when it got that way no one really wanted to listen to what he had to say either so everyone would basically tune out. I always felt bad for this guy because he missed so much from others and his words became of no impact to others that even when he had something great to say, his words were just lost. We are given in the letter of James a lesson to be just the opposite as the person I have described. James says in Chapter 1, verse 19 - 20; "My dear brothers, take note of this; Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for anger does not not bring about the righteous life that God desires.". To bring about the righteous life God desires we are to control ourselves and our anger and a way to do that is to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I know I have experienced on many occasions that when I start to get frustrated or angry with someone or something that has happened at work, that it was because I just didn't listen to everything that was being said and/or I jumped right into the middle of the conversation and tried to take it over from the person was trying to explain. Just a second or too more and little slower on the words out of my mouth and the situation may not have escalated. But, too quick to talk and too slow to listen will get you in trouble lots of time and can end up in an ugly and angry place. We know that patience is a God thing. It is a gift that we all can learn to practice. As you enter into this day, pray that you can speed up the listening, slow way down the talking and be so slow to anger that it never even materializes. And if you can do this today, you can know that you are walking in the path of righteousness.

day 12: The Cool Head

Work is filled with moments that get us ruffled and upset. With all the different kinds of personalities and personal agendas swirling around each day it is hard to not fall into the trap of finding ourselves irritated by the smallest word or action and sometimes just downright angry at a co-worker over an email, something said in a meeting, or a decision made that did not take our opinion (or feelings) into account. We've all been there and somehow I think in today's age of email and text message communication it is easier to misinterpret and misconstrue things more than ever. I wish I could count the number of times, but I can't because they are too many, where I received an email that sent me over the top and in typing the response back if the keys weren't made of the hard plastic that they are, they would have broken from the striking pressure from each angry keystroke. I did learn long ago, the hard way, that those messages must immediately go to draft and must sit for 24 hours in their cooling off period, otherwise they cause lots more trouble. The cooling off period is even harder when in PDA/Blackberry mode. It's better to lock the thing in the glove box and go on into dinner than think you can respond in real time with anything close to resembling civility. But, civility, diplomacy and humility is what we are called to demonstrate. In Titus 3:2 Paul exhorts believers to act in a manner that is above the fray. He says, "They must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone". Gentleness and humility are not usually personality traits that show up on our business performance appraisals as ones that will get you ahead. But, that is what we are told to be when faced with those moments when everyone else talking behind the backs of others or losing their cool and going after each other. Today, when the scuffle starts see if you can be the cool headed one in the group. The one that wards off the fight by gently bringing the conversation back to where it should be and/or with great humility move the position of argument to the center where it can be resolved. Use this moment today to test yourself and for others to see that you approached the situation differently than others and in fact become the example of what Paul asks us to be.


Reference: Titus 3:2 (New Living Testament)