day 357: Stop Asking!

I've had many an employee in my career who has been one of those people who are always asking for something. If you have never met someone like this (and I would be surprised of you haven't) they are quickly identified as the "squeaky wheel". They are the first people to be in the office wanting to know why someone else was promoted, or why another department got the larger budget, or why they weren't involved in a meeting or asked to travel on a trip. They are usually also the first people who point at others for problems and are not quick to take responsibility for their own action. I might add that they are usually the most immature. I once had a employee who would ask me regularly about when would they be promoted to the next level. When I got down underneath these incessant requests it had nothing to do with needing more salary or that their career was suffering from being in their current position too long, etc. What it boiled down to is that this person had a sense of entitlement that grew out of insecurity and fear that they were going to miss out on something that they wouldn't get unless they asked. I contrast this employee with a very senior executive who I worked with in the early 1990's who kept getting promoted over other people because he kept his head down, never expressed his career desires when not asked, trusted "the system" and when promoted would show a level of humility and gratitude that was far beyond anyone's expectations. As such, it was fun to see this person get promoted and rise through the ranks all the way to the top. How often are we more worried than trustful in what happens to us? Yes, that is right...too much. When we stop trusting and we stop letting others and God do what they would like to do with us and instead try and take control of the situation, we miss out on the gifts that want to be given to us. With my employee, I got to the point that I knew when the conversation was coming and I didn't look forward to those talks. Our God is a God who wants to give so much more to us than we could ever ask. Our God is the God of David who as we know wrote in Psalm 23:5; "...My cup overflow with blessings." With a little more trust and little more faith and a lot less trying to tell God what to do, we can expect our cup to flow over. But, if we keep asking God to fill the cup in the way we want it filled, he will fill it, but maybe only to our definition of the top which could be far from hie definition of what he wants to give us.

Reference: Psalm 23:5 (New Living Testament)

day 136: Memo to Phil, Part 4: Asking Before Telling

Paul makes a request of Philemon to take Onesimus onto Philemon's team. We have seen over the past few days how Paul sets this request up in his letter to him in the Book of Philemon. Paul clearly has some authority over Philemon, like we all have bosses and people of influence over us, but Paul doesn't come across that way at all. In fact, he goes 180 degrees on Philemon and doesn't send him an "order". Instead he asks for permission and favor to make the request. How often does that happen in our workplace that the boss will ask for permission before saying what he/she wants done? Not often enough is probably your answer. We all know bosses who got to where they are because they are decisive, have a strong vision for what they want, and can lead and marshall people and teams to get things done. There is nothing wrong with that and we need more people who can take the lead. I have always said that if our country had more leaders we wouldn't pick from two people to be president every four years. Some parts of being a leader come naturally but the principles of leadership can be learned and practiced to become a more effective leader. In this letter, before Paul makes the request to Philemon he says this: "That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do. But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you..." Knowing how to ask before telling is a powerful skill. Just taking the extra time and humility to ask the favor first can be the difference between gaining commitment or just gaining compliance. We all want people to be committed to the request and the task. If we are on the team, we want to be totally committed ourselves. So, think this through the next time you are in the situation where you could tell others what to do. Think through asking first and see the different results you might receive. It's hard to turn down a caring ask. It is even harder to not follow through on the commitments made from that same caring ask. Paul models it for us. It is our choice to follow the example.

Reference: Philemon 1:8-9 (New Living Testament)