day 136: Memo to Phil, Part 4: Asking Before Telling

Paul makes a request of Philemon to take Onesimus onto Philemon's team. We have seen over the past few days how Paul sets this request up in his letter to him in the Book of Philemon. Paul clearly has some authority over Philemon, like we all have bosses and people of influence over us, but Paul doesn't come across that way at all. In fact, he goes 180 degrees on Philemon and doesn't send him an "order". Instead he asks for permission and favor to make the request. How often does that happen in our workplace that the boss will ask for permission before saying what he/she wants done? Not often enough is probably your answer. We all know bosses who got to where they are because they are decisive, have a strong vision for what they want, and can lead and marshall people and teams to get things done. There is nothing wrong with that and we need more people who can take the lead. I have always said that if our country had more leaders we wouldn't pick from two people to be president every four years. Some parts of being a leader come naturally but the principles of leadership can be learned and practiced to become a more effective leader. In this letter, before Paul makes the request to Philemon he says this: "That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do. But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you..." Knowing how to ask before telling is a powerful skill. Just taking the extra time and humility to ask the favor first can be the difference between gaining commitment or just gaining compliance. We all want people to be committed to the request and the task. If we are on the team, we want to be totally committed ourselves. So, think this through the next time you are in the situation where you could tell others what to do. Think through asking first and see the different results you might receive. It's hard to turn down a caring ask. It is even harder to not follow through on the commitments made from that same caring ask. Paul models it for us. It is our choice to follow the example.

Reference: Philemon 1:8-9 (New Living Testament)